If I Were A Bird

If I were a bird... !

In emphasis of Father's day and I have something here that usually sits on my dresser in our bedroom. I brought it for you to study with your eyes while I fill your hearts with my words.

It is a plastic statue of a father on one knee, sharing one on one with his seven year old son, who is standing close to him.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have Eternal life. God gave us what was most precious to him, and like The Father, we are called on to treasure our children most highly. We are to be aware, at the same time, that we are called upon to prepare them for life in the real world, beyond the home. Too many of us, I speak for myself also, have let this very special relationship between parent and child take a back seat to other priorities. I find myself frustrated in my search for happiness. I wonder if I will ever get the time or chance to work out my dreams. I think the cause of this frustration can be found in that we do not give enough consideration to discovering what really matters to us in this life. What do I value most?

Very few popular songs of recent years have carried a message quite as powerful as the late Harry Chapin's ballad, "Cat's in the Cradle." The ballad depicts the life experience of a man whose father was always too busy to spend time with his son. As a boy, the man had loved and worshipped his father and always promised that ,as the song says , he would be "just like you, Dad / gonna be just like you." Inevitably, he does become the kind of "too busy" father that his own father had been and , as he becomes a grandfather and in turn is rejected by his own son who has too many responsibilities and other priorities, he realizes that his life has been one of unfulfilled, unrewarding relationships between fathers and sons.

"I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up, just the other day
I said," I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said," I'd love to, Dad if I could find the time."
"You see the new job's a hassle and the kids got the flu--
but it's been nice talking to you, Dad
It's been nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
That my boy was just like me, Yes,
My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon,
the little boy blue, and the man in the moon
When you coming home son, I don't know when,
But we'll have a good time then, Dad,
You know we'll have a good time then.

When I got married and left home, My first big realization was that jobs came from people who thought and acted a lot like my parents. You know that the best substitute for experience is to be 18! I had vowed that I would not be like them, that I would break out of the mold! I am still trying to break out of that mold. It seems that I am deeper in debt than my father. I have about as many messes and more unfinished projects. I can not criticize my parents. Any fool can criticize, most fools do!

I Guess I need a Reassessment! I see few men with fortitude to do this. I do see a few who are... reassessing their life goals. Some are giving up the lifestyle of the rich and famous, the "American dream of the Young Upward Professional". They are giving it up to arrive home at the end of the workday and spend time being fathers to their children and husbands to their wives. They are not lazy, or losers, or whipped. They have a balance we need. I need personal commitment to this!

I have a son. He means a lot to me. Why do I miss him when he is right here with me?

The child's world is a world of simple pleasures, of make believe. At best it offers frequent chances to laugh and giggle and to express emotion without inhibition, at worst it is full of fears and hurts and disappointments. Most importantly, it is a world which the child cannot leave. Even when tragedy strikes, the child encounters it in his own internal environment. The child cannot step beyond his experience.

The point is, if we want to communicate with children, if we want to share their experience. If we want to be a vital part of their life, then we must enter their world, a world we left so long ago. We cannot force our world on them.

"Unless we become as little children ... " It is as though we misunderstand the verse that encourages us to " Put away childish things" now that we've become men (1 Cor 13:11). Being expected to act like adults doesn't mean that we can't enjoy simple play activities with our children. Playing with our children is as much an adult responsibility as providing for them. It is nurturing they need from us.

Have your children ever asked " Daddy, will you play with me?" Mine used to and still does occasionally. I have come to realize that when my boy asks me to play with him, he is giving me the highest compliment a child can give his father. He is asking me to come be a part of his world: to enjoy his fantasies - to share his make-believe victories. The plea is his way of saying " Hey, I like you, but since I can't enter your world, why don't you join me in mine...Then we can be together, Dad."

Playing with your children can be hard to do. You might have to do things for a while that you are not trained to enjoy, but love is patient and kind, it does not insist on it's own way... it rejoices in the right.

Enjoy your children while they are young... (while they are still on your side!) Don't give them excuses. "An excuse is the skin of a reason stuffed with a LIE."

Let's appreciate our children, and our wives. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. If you appreciate me, it's hard to tell what I might do for you!

Hugh Stanley writes in his book "The Challenge of Fatherhood":

One of my favorite stories is the one that Paul Harvey tells each Christmas. It goes like this.

There was a man living in the northern states where he farmed for a living. He was a good man, kind and considerate of others, but he did not believe in Christ. He was content to have his wife and children attend church regularly, but theology and religion held little meaning to him. He simply could not accept the idea of God in the form of a man.

One cold Christmas Eve, his wife and children had left to attend church services and he was home alone, warming himself in front of his fire. Outside, the weather became bitter and a furious snowstorm developed. As he relaxed and enjoyed the warmth of his fire, he became conscious of a noise outside his window. Going to investigate, he discovered a small flock of birds that had been caught in the storm and were trying to escape the bitter cold. They had seen his house with its glowing fireplace and had sought sanctuary there.

The farmer, sensing their plight, decided that he would open the doors of his barn and let them find safety and refuge from the elements there. But when he opened the doors to the barn, the birds would not enter. He tried going around them and shooing them into the barn, but still they would not enter. They appeared to be afraid of him and could not understand that he was trying to help them. The farmer tried spreading bread crumbs in a path to the barn door, hoping that they would follow the path of the crumbs and see that he meant them no harm. Everything he tried to do to coax them into the barn only seemed to make the birds resist him more.

As he stood in frustration, the snow swirling about his head, he thought, "How can I make them understand? Now if I were a bird, I could show them the way to safety. If I were a bird, I could...If I were a bird...If I were a bird..." And SUDDENLY he realized why God had sent his Son into this world.

John 1:14 tells us "And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth." Those of us who remain confused in our relationships with our children should remember that Christ came to show us the way. Christ himself told us " I am the way, the truth, and the life" If we as fathers, want to know what God expects of us, we have but to imitate Christ who reveals the perfect Father (John 14:9). We must look to his example and follow his wisdom and gentleness. Christ is the supreme example of love, and it is by following his example that we learn to give and receive love.

Of course, being human, we will always fall short of the ideal. Our short comings do not give us the right to shirk our responsibilities as fathers. Life and living are serious matters. Our children need a helping hand through the rough times. We should always be available to help them.

Being available does not mean we will not make mistakes. We should learn from the mistakes that we have made. Mr. Stanley writes, " The lessons that I learned from my own experience were painful ones. I came to learn that child rearing is a most demanding responsibility. Something else in my life had to be set aside if I was to narrow the gulf between my son and I. I discovered initially that I was psychologically ill-equipped to be a father. To avoid the pitfalls that contemporary fathers fall into, I had to discover that outside commitments provided me only with a false high. Most importantly, I realized that the stakes are high in dealing with parent-child relationships."

The challenge of fatherhood is unlimited, and if we continue to neglect it as I have seen so many parents do, it might be forever to late. We cannot stop the steady march of time! The real high of life is being a father - being a REAL father.

We can't be certain what lies ahead. We don't have any guarantees. It is a personal goal I have set for myself to do as fine a job as possible of being a good father to my son. Christ had a job to do in this world and when the time came for his work on earth to end, his Father expressed his satisfaction with his Son's work. "...and a voice came from heaven, saying, Thou art my beloved Son; with thee I am well pleased." (Mark 1:11 RSV)

Hopefully, we who strive to be good fathers to our own children will also learn someday that He is well pleased with the job that we have done.

The End